Why?

I got asked why I was single today. The guy that asked me is a contractor for work. This amazing, God like Brazilian guy.

When he asked, he looked thoroughly confused by it all. My response was “I am fucked if I know”. But it did get me thinking. I am single because I am waiting for someone really special. I am single because I scare people. I am single because I always expect more. Also. I am fucking cray cray! 😛

Why should I settle for an emotionally stunted twat when I can spend all my time alone? I know which one sounds better to me.

Anyway the PC is at Glastonbury. I have had one message in three days and I kinda miss him. But we have a hotel booked for when he comes back. REALLY LOUD SEX will be had. And lots of it. Then I have to move house.

It is my going away party tomorrow. I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. What if no one turns up? What if people don’t have fun. Then I am just like “well fuck it”. I feel like this might be my new slogan.

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The fourth date

Last night was mine and PCs fourth date. It has been somewhat of a whirlwind.

Four dates in a week and a half. And I can confirm that I actually do like him. And he is good in bed. And he hasn’t done the disappearing act either.

He drives, he has a career, he is childish in personality but communicates and knows what he wants. He isn’t under or over whelmed by me. He fancies me. He might possibly like me more then that but is keeping everything in check.

WHY AM I LEAVING?

I did it!

Today I have cried tears of joy, constantly giggled, and walked around Dublin with a somewhat inflated ego.

Why? You may ask. Well last night I danced my first burlesque solo routine infront of a couple of hundred people. I made a couple of mistakes, but seemingly no one noticed. In fact, I was told by three separate people (two of them not even my besties OR related to me) that mine was their favorite routine of the night.

The comments I have gotten, the sheer enjoyment from about an hour after the fact, and the pride that I have in myself has just made me feel like I am walking on clouds. I wanted to leave Ireland with a bang. I am leaving it with an almighty, slightly sexy explosion.

I love myself right now. I did this against everything that was stacked against it happening and nothing in this world will stop me from becoming whatever I want to be.

Now. To work out what I want to be!

Leaving things behind

It isn’t long until I leave. And I have met someone.

Okay, only had one date so far but we seem to have a very similar outlook on life, personality and sense of humor. I really like him. We will call him PC.

We went on a date, met at 7.30 pm and I got home at 3 am. He was a gentleman, he was lovely. He knows Stephen. I know his ex. That is probably why I want to leave Dublin so much, because everyone knows everyone, it is so annoying.

But anyway. I am now faced with leaving everyone I love and possibly leaving someone else that COULD be someone special.

I do have a couple of reservations. My friend has mentioned him before. He was her version Stephen, he didn’t treat her very well. But I am hoping that he has grown up a whole lot since then. I will have to judge it before anything else.

He is also pretty good friends with some of the bitchy friends that made my life with Stephen difficult. I guess that if anything is to happen it would be the WAY he deals with it rather than anything else.

I have got to figure out how much of this is me wanting to have that romance story before I leave and how much of it is me actually liking HIM. Oh fuck. I think I might actually like him.

Poop.