Half truths and lies

I show my naivety sometimes. I expect a whole truth. Warts and all from people.

But I forget that most humans leave out their own flaws and only include he other persons when weaving a story.

I am an honest person. Obviously I too have told half truths but as a general rule I am blunt. Not to hurt anyone. But also not to lie.

A half truth is basically a lie. We all know it. Yet nearly all of us do it. And nearly all of us forgive them. It is just something that boggles my mind!

Big mentioned to our mutual friend that he felt he was given an ultimatum by me about being a friend with me and he didn’t like it. What he failed to mention was that we had been chatting since that “ultimatum”, that we had plans to meet that he cancelled on, and that all through our chats he never once mentioned that he had felt like he was given an ultimatum and he didn’t like it.

So basically.  When I told her that I missed him etc. She reacted to me only knowing his half. When I saw her I told her the rest and of course admitted to the message that could be seen as backing him into a corner. Then she changed her reaction to me completely. 

This has irked me. Grow up man. Grow a pair. Admit that you have done something wrong. That you gave a false hope or that you say you are okay and ready to try and be friends when really you are not in that place because you are hurting a bit more than you would like to admit.

Tell the whole truth. Not a half one. A half one is a lie.

100

Wow. 100 people follow this little blog. I know on the grand scale of things it is only a small amount of people. But to me it is huge.

I haven’t told anyone who I am. So none (actually one) know who I am. The rest just follow/read about my daily life and usually the drama that seems to follow me around.

To mark the big 100 I am going to tell you about a mistake that I always, always make and never learn from. Trying to be friends with an ex in order to keep them in your life.

Shinners. You are not wired that way. When you love you love with your whole being. You cannot turn that into friendship within a week or two. Or even a month. No way. You are just going to hurt yourself by keeping on checking when he was last online and wondering if he is looking at you too.

When I was with Big. I was so easy going and relaxed. If he didn’t text back. I was never worried. I had him. He made me so comfortable and confident that I never doubted his intentions with me for a second so I didn’t worry about it. Now I don’t have him? Fuck me I have gone cray cray. Every time my phone goes I hope and wish it is him. My heart goes every time it vibrates. Every. Single. Time.

So yeah. Stop pretending that it is something you can try when you just really want him to see you just so you can see him and you want him to just change his mind.  Because you know what?  He won’t because you don’t like American football, you don’t just “slide in” to his life and you can’t have frigging kids.

And he could have had something real with you. And that freaked him the fuck out.

So fuck him and his fucking friendship.

A song says a thousand words

Well not literally, because that would be an incredibly long song, but you know what I mean.

I think you can tell a lot about a persons general mental state by the music that they are listening to and identifying themselves with at a certain period of time in their life.

The reason this occurred to me was because this song:

kept on coming on my workout playlist. I remembered how I used to listen to it and feel every single word. Scream it, feel it and just wanna crumble because it sums everything up for you.

The time in my life that is summed up by this song is pretty shocking. I remember it striking for me when I had just moved in with Stephen. Why did I put myself through that? Why didn’t I wake up and see that this is just not the right song to be listening to at that stage in my life?

Anyway. Enough of that prick. I have to update you all on Dickwad. He has been screwing around. He has been screwing around in his house, the one he shares with my friend, his sister. He has had a revolving door of girls that have come back to the house and had sex with him. I don’t know if he needed cocaine to get it up for them but fuck it!

Really drunk in Spain it occurred to us to send a picture of me giving a thumbs up from my friends account through FB messenger. I actually give up on myself! Haha, part of me feels sorry for him. I am sure he probably thought he could fuck me and just leave it go, but nope. I am there around every corner. And I am not going anywhere, just because he cannot behave like an adult.

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Oh and for anyone that is wondering… this is the song that sums up now for me.

Wonder

I wonder if he remembers that tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of our first date. And our proper anniversary is in a month.

These dates mean nothing now I guess. I still think if my first ex on the 23rd May. But I highly doubt I will ever cross either of their minds. Men don’t get dates I guess.

Part of me thinks it would be nice to get a text. But knowing what I know it would be insincere.

I closed our joint bank account . That was tough.

The Response from B

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever read something more self indulgent and self righteous.

Where do I start.

Why you feel the need to email any of us is beyond me. You clearly hate me or highly dislike me at the very least, so why do you even care what I think? You had your mind made up about me long before you met me that night, X even told me this, and I don’t really give a shit if you were tired or whatever that night, that’s irrelevant. You thinking X wanted to make you jealous just shows that you really don’t know him at all, or at least didn’t at that point. What exactly was ‘despicable’ anyway [me]? I tried to chat to you both, and X tried to chat to us both, but I’ll admit this was difficult in a loud pub situation. I thought everything was perfectly fine until you went quiet and left shortly afterwards. You didn’t even say goodbye. What about YOUR behaviour on the night? I was pleasant and polite to you, because I didn’t want another Aisling situation, she made my life hell, and I genuinely wanted to avoid any kind of situation like that again. But here we are…..

You made me the third person in your relationship X, I never wanted to be. You labelled me ‘the ex’ and never saw me for what I am now, his friend. X and I were and are very close, that will never change, whether we are speaking or not. You cannot get rid of me, I’ll always be a part of him and his past. We grew up together. Bonds like that are never broken. You can’y just say he could have confided in other people, because every friendship is different. Some friends just don’t discuss sensitive issues. We do. I shouldn’t have to explain this, anyway…

 

You obviously view sex in an entirely different manner to how I do or X does. We can talk about stuff like that in a casual manner and it’s no big deal. What was said wasn’t intended to be disrespectful to you, we just take these things more lightly. Fair enough if you asked him not to talk about it or whatever, that’s something you can duscuss with him. It sounds like you haven’t forgiven him for a lot of things that happened months ago, you have to either get over things and move on or walk away, you can’t keep punishing someone for their mistakes, it’s just not fair.

He’s already told me this, so your little plan to hurt my feelings hasn’t been successful. I’m not going to compare our relationships either.

We used email, bebo etc because we had (and still have) no other option, so stop trying to make it look like we were using some special intimate way to contact one another that relates to our past relationship, it’s called necessity. Also, wait until you’re physically cheated on before you make that call, because you may feel differently.

It’s my decision who I go to advice for, so I don’t really care who you think I should or shouldn’t ask for advice. I don’t owe you anything. You have a certain relationship with your ex, I have another, it’s called difference, not everyone is the same. And, sex is not ‘sacred’ to me, or X either. Again, not everyone is the same! You sound rather inexperienced when it comes to sex and relationships.

 

From my point of view, you wanted him to choose between us from the moment you heard about me. You want/wanted to be chosen as the best, the one he loved/loves the most, I can see that. That’s what all this ‘me or her’ stuff is really about. As for discussing your relationship, if your relationship was that great then maybe he wouldn’t have to discuss your issues with other people, because there wouldn’t be any, or else he could’ve just talked things out with you if you both communicated well instead of having to express his feelings to others? But at the end of the day, I don’t know why he told me or whoever else that stuff, all I can do is guess, he can answer that one.

As for the texting stuff, why don’t you stop reading text messages that aren’t for you? It seriously smacks of insecurity and distrust.

Were you really that surprised he wanted to contact me or cared about my feelings? X will always want to talk to me, I’m a fixture in his life and neither you nor anyone else is going to change that, so get used to it.

 

A can speak for himself so I’m not going to address that section of your message. He’d/he’ll probably make a much better job of it than me anyway. I do think it’s noteable however that A has never had a problem with X and I being friends, because he realises that everyone has a past, people don’t come to relationships as blank canvasses. We’ve both had other relationships in the past but we both know that ours is the one that matters, so there’s a lot of trust between us. That’s why we work, despite living in different countries. 

How dare you threaten us. Who do you think you are? Your entire message reads like an ignoramus trying to sound worldly and compassionate while displaying their tortured heart in a pathetic attempt to evoke respect.

You’re not one bit sorry if I’ve lost my friend. If you really loved him you would never have made him choose in the first place, but your teenage jealousy and insecurity propelled you to put your own selfish wishes above his happiness. It doesn’t bother me anymore that you made him choose, because in doing so you put a hole in your relationship.

I’ve still got my friend, speaking or not speaking. “

 
This is the shit I put up with at the beginning of my relationship. I am posting it up here because if I don’t post it anonymously I might regret what I would do with it. 
 
He told her how I looked naked, what I liked to do in the bedroom (that I was the best), and that he gave me chlamydia and what treatment I was going through. Even though I asked him not to.