He wants be but won’t have me. I am feeling pretty unworthy of anyone right now.
I went out with my friends and have never wanted to be somewhere else more. I wanted to be in bed with him. Cuddling, playing footsie. Talking about our days. Instead I was told I was “fine” by the most in supportive friend ever and meeting one of the two girls that stabbed me in the back four years ago.
When she comes, it becomes her show. She is the star of it, and if she talks to someone it is almost like she is playing interviewer.
I am so fricking fed up with my life. I want my life of a month ago back. I was happy. So happy. So unaware.
The highlight was the taxi driver. He was more supportive than my so called friend. He actually gave me a hug and asked me my name. I think he was actually worried about what I would do to myself. I am trying not to feel that way again. Trying so hard. I know it will get better. I really do but meh.
On a good note, seemingly my colleague really respects me and he thinks I am great at my job.
I am a big fat one.
But boy was it fun! So I have two dates lined up this week with two lovely guys. Then I go and meet up with my ex tonight. What an eejit. Ended up back in the park bent over a tree. I am one classy bird.
He has a spell over me, I just know it. And he knows it too. I love him, he loves me. I want a relationship, he doesn’t. It isn’t even that he is playing the field. It is that he did for ages and now he is calming it down. I on the other hand did the opposite, I became a nun and now I am playing around a bit.
So anyway he doesn’t want me but he also wants no one else to. Sounds healthy ey?
But anyway fuck it! I am going to go out with Sailor and have a bit of craic on Monday and then on Tuesday have fun with Boxer.
Oh I know how to choose them!
This is so long overdue that it isn’t even funny. I mean it has been a month! I actually cannot believe I have been home from America for a month!
Anyway I am going to fill you in on NYC. I loved it there. I mean it started off emotional for obvious reasons (seeing my Mam for the first time in three months) and then it got back to being comfortable between us. The same as normal. Though obviously I have changed a little but things are being adapted now.
So on the first night we stayed out at the airport in the hotel because I arrived in so late (BTW I just LOVE JFK. It lived up to what I imagined it to be). The next day we travelled into the city and I felt like it was a film set. I think it was because I have seen it so many times in the films and programmes that I felt like I had already been there before.
So we checked in to our apartment (nicely situated on the west side of Central Park) and we started to explore the local area. We walked to the Hudson River; well I think it was the Hudson river. It actually doesn’t tell me on Google Maps! Continue reading
So I haven’t written in quite a while. I am home now. But forget that for a bit.
I am going to recap what I got up to after Portland. I got home and hung out with L quite a bit, also had to get my packing etc. done. Myself and L were meant to go out for a last hurrah on the Saturday but after I pucked in the middle of the cereal aisle of Whole Foods we decided that it was probably not the best idea (I think I got a bug from the train).
Anyway M’s Mam looked after me and mothered me. Which was good because being sick makes you miss your Mam. Continue reading
So; the 80s is really fun! The clothes are fun, the music is cool and the dancing is rad.
Wearing a Dallas-style dress with huge shoulder pads and made of 100% polyester makes one sweat but it is all so worth it. THINK OF THE CALORIES!
Anyway after getting all dressed up with L we went to this bar downtown that a group had rented out for the party. K and her boyfriend were there and it was so much fun. I started the night by getting fairly blotto but then of course sobered up as the night went on and the need for water because of excessive sweating increased. Continue reading
I have come to the conclusion that the most random days ever are eternally going to happen to me.
This is no bad thing though… it means that I rarely have a boring and dull day. Today started out menial enough. I got the bus into Seattle (where it was raining – again) and made my way to the first order of business for the day. This business being buying ballroom dancing shoes.
I had been putting off buying them at home for salsa because I thought that I would be able to get them cheaper here and that there was going to be a better range. So off I toddled to a shop downtown that I had found on Google. Now, this shop had gotten mixed reviews with people saying that the owner had an attitude problem and such. Continue reading
So I am going to fill you in on the Aussie.
After spending the day with him we swapped email addresses and awkwardly hugged. That was all that happened between us.
So a couple of emails were exchanged and I was told that he was going to be here for the day tomorrow. All is good in the hood one might say. So I was all like “Sure we can meet up, what do you want to do?” and he is all like “Do you want to come onto my five-star cruise boat for seven days up to Alaska for $150?” Continue reading
So ye. We went to this bar out the outskirts of Seattle and it was like walking into a whole new world! A world full of hicks and hillbilly’s.
Anyway so it was L, K and K’s boyfriend and it was quite a bit of a laugh. We had to be all partnered off and my guy was cute (if not a bit short) but I don’t think he was interested. Ah well, you win some, you lose some.
Anyway it was good fun and there was a band on after the class so you could go up and show off your new found moves. They guy that had been dancing with L got me up and threw me around like a rag-doll. Continue reading
So on Saturday L and myself went to a BBQ. Over 100 people were there and it was held in Golden Park Gardens. It was a lovely day for it but I felt that maybe there was just too much of a crowd to get to know people.
We left around 7 and went to the cinema to see Water for Elephants. Such a good film but finished really late and by the time I got home everyone was in bed with the front door locked (seemingly they were awake but I really don’t think so). So I stayed at Ls house which was nice but a bit stressful because I hated that Ms family didn’t know where I was. I had texted M but she was already asleep.
Anyway the next morning L had booked to go on the Underground tour of Seattle and as I still hadn’t heard from M I had to go with her. The whole situation sucked because I was meant to be cooking dinner and everything. Anyway L and I did the tour, did the Smith tower and then went to Fremont, a suburb of Seattle to see the sites. Continue reading
So I suppose I should tell you about that time I stayed in a hostel in Seattle and went out for the night with people I didn’t know.
Well I had a blast with my new friends. L and K. L is from Germany and is actually staying near me which is cool so we are going to the pics later which should be good. K brought her boyfriend A and both of them were so lovely! We got into the VIP section and everything!
Nights out in Seattle are that little bit more casual then at home but fuck it! I like dressing up. My feet were in bits though… I haven’t worn heels in such a long time; usually it is 3 times a week and I hadn’t put a pair on for over three weeks! EEEEEKKK. Continue reading