Today I have cried tears of joy, constantly giggled, and walked around Dublin with a somewhat inflated ego.
Why? You may ask. Well last night I danced my first burlesque solo routine infront of a couple of hundred people. I made a couple of mistakes, but seemingly no one noticed. In fact, I was told by three separate people (two of them not even my besties OR related to me) that mine was their favorite routine of the night.
The comments I have gotten, the sheer enjoyment from about an hour after the fact, and the pride that I have in myself has just made me feel like I am walking on clouds. I wanted to leave Ireland with a bang. I am leaving it with an almighty, slightly sexy explosion.
I love myself right now. I did this against everything that was stacked against it happening and nothing in this world will stop me from becoming whatever I want to be.
Now. To work out what I want to be!
For nearly three years we had a regular conversation. It went something like this:
“Dance with me please”
“I don’t dance”
“Just once please”
“No Shinners, just leave it”
Okay. So he didn’t dance. I also never heard him sing, not even happy birthday, in three years. But anyway, about dancing.
So he never danced. I love to dance, I dance burlesque and I love it. I used to dance salsa, and I loved that, I wanted him to join me and be my partner. Three valentines days went past and I was hoping that he would take me dancing. Nadda.
We went to a nightclub with my friends once, myself and two of my friends (one guy and one girl) and he stood in the corner and didn’t move.
He went out twice this weekend, both nights he danced. He danced to the music he hates, and that I enjoy. He danced, he sweated and he moved. He also pulled twice.
Was it that I was just not the girl to make an effort for? I just keep on thinking that everything that he has done since we broke up is him being him. I don’t like some of it, but I like other bits. I just think he didn’t want to do it with me. If it was his ex, I think he would have done everything for her. But I was never her. I was never going to be her. And he still wants her. He still messages her when he is drunk. When will he realise what he had (me) and what he is chasing? He is chasing a lie.
I always thought he would hear this song, and be filled with regret. Maybe he won’t. We were never sunshine and daisies and we are better off without each other (well I will be one day) but maybe we should never have been together.
So; the 80s is really fun! The clothes are fun, the music is cool and the dancing is rad.
Wearing a Dallas-style dress with huge shoulder pads and made of 100% polyester makes one sweat but it is all so worth it. THINK OF THE CALORIES!
Anyway after getting all dressed up with L we went to this bar downtown that a group had rented out for the party. K and her boyfriend were there and it was so much fun. I started the night by getting fairly blotto but then of course sobered up as the night went on and the need for water because of excessive sweating increased. Continue reading