Last night was mine and PCs fourth date. It has been somewhat of a whirlwind.
Four dates in a week and a half. And I can confirm that I actually do like him. And he is good in bed. And he hasn’t done the disappearing act either.
He drives, he has a career, he is childish in personality but communicates and knows what he wants. He isn’t under or over whelmed by me. He fancies me. He might possibly like me more then that but is keeping everything in check.
WHY AM I LEAVING?
I have decided that he has to come back now. I need him back and he will come back now and I am pretty sure I will forgive him. Sure I forgave him for worse didn’t I?
He said today that he loves me but he isn’t in love with me anymore and he wants someone that it is easy with. Not an uphill struggle all the time. I thought we had just gotten to that point. More fool me. I miss him so much I have to sleep with a hot water bottle even though it is boiling, just to convince myself his body is there next to me.
He wants be but won’t have me. I am feeling pretty unworthy of anyone right now.
I went out with my friends and have never wanted to be somewhere else more. I wanted to be in bed with him. Cuddling, playing footsie. Talking about our days. Instead I was told I was “fine” by the most in supportive friend ever and meeting one of the two girls that stabbed me in the back four years ago.
When she comes, it becomes her show. She is the star of it, and if she talks to someone it is almost like she is playing interviewer.
I am so fricking fed up with my life. I want my life of a month ago back. I was happy. So happy. So unaware.
The highlight was the taxi driver. He was more supportive than my so called friend. He actually gave me a hug and asked me my name. I think he was actually worried about what I would do to myself. I am trying not to feel that way again. Trying so hard. I know it will get better. I really do but meh.
On a good note, seemingly my colleague really respects me and he thinks I am great at my job.
So my second full day in Hawaii started off early. I went on a catamaran, to go and snorkel with the turtles and fish!
It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. I had brought a disposable underwater camera for taking photographs of the animals so I am hoping that they come out well.
When I got off the boat I needed some time to recover, I never knew I got sea-sick before but my stomach was in bits! I went to Starbucks and texted the Latino from Texas to ask him what the lads were up to. After a while I made my way back to the hostel to hang out before the Latino, air-force guy and myself went for a drive.
The aim was to go to this beach at North Shore and do some rock jumping, but alas, the parking was bad because of Memorial Day weekend. We ended up driving a little farther up the road to a beach that was relatively quite. It was golden, warm and so peaceful. The rolling waves were a hand-full but it was amazing to watch the sun go down in such a picturesque spot. Continue reading