I am starting to think that there isn’t a “one” for anyone.
I know, I am late to the party on that one. But I guess, I kept on hoping that that childish, Hollywood thing would come true.
But I really have been thinking about soulmates. I think I have about four of them. None of them have been romantic partners but they are all people that I connect with in a really special way and that cannot be explained.
My mother is one. I am convinced we have traveled through so many lives together and that we just keep finding each other and travelling in any way that we can. It is really lovely and it feels like home as soon as I am around. In fact, just having a bit of physical contact with her recharges mine and her batteries and makes one feel more at peace. I know it probably sounds a bit crazy but it is true.
One of my best friends sent me the most wonderful texts today. I had sent her screenshots of the messages that I sent my “father” and Big. She said that she was sorry that I was going through all of this still. My response? “It’s okay, I had a good year”. Because you know. What more could I want but a good year?
Anyway. Today I got “No matter what happens, know that I am proud. Know that you are brave, you are strong and you are beautiful. Know that without you I (and many others) would be living a half life. Though there may be oceans and continents between us, I will always be here for you my truest loveliest friend and soul mate xx”
How can you ever feel bad about your life when you have such amazing things being said about you? It is something that fills my heart, knowing that I have at least five people in my life that feel this way about me. Okay, none of them will share my bed (apart from the odd spooning session) but there are other people for that. How can anyone really compare to that kind of connection? I demand as much (if not more) from my lover as I get from them. They are there for me through thick and thin and in exchange I am there for them in the same way.
I am a very lucky girl. I may not have my father, or Big. But I have amazing people in my life and I am a very very lucky person.
I have Soulmates.
I have been so unbelievably mentally busy that I completely forgot to update this.
Life has just been non-stop. So much so that I have only just started to feel homesick.
Firstly. Health. I did have a tough week with my stomach but then I started my period so panic over! I have had three periods in five weeks though but I think it is my coil finally settling in. I now also have a cold but sure that is part and parcel of life and having no immune system isn’t it?
Second. Work. Work has been mental and I have just received a promotion. Within six weeks I have been promoted and given a new store to open as Store Manager. It is basically unheard of and fairly shocking but exciting all the same. I am not happy with the money that they have offered me but I am looking at going to a career adviser anyway to maybe look at getting out of this aspect of retail. I am exhausted with so many long hours and sporadic starting times my body is just tired (which I think has also lead to the cold).
Thirdly. Friends. So I have steadily been making and keeping friends, both here and at home. My Mam and my best friend back home have both booked flights over so one is over at the end of October and the other is coming over at Christmas. This is very exciting. I just got back from a weekend away with a friend over here. We went to Whistler. It was nice but part of me feels that I give more to that friendship then what I get back from her. But sure. Plenty more time and plenty more people to meet in my travels.
And lastly. Boyfriend. Through the previously mentioned friend, I met my boyfriend. Mr B. He is both perfect and flawed. We have both been single for a very long time and have been in long relationships that didn’t last. In his case, he was married. It is actually taking us both a lot of getting used to adjusting to eachother. It probably doesn’t help that he is American so sometimes the communication is a little stilted. But yeah… we will see how it goes. Sometimes he makes me so happy that I picture everything with him. Other times… not so much. I am going to give it a bit of time but sometimes he goes all school teachery on me which makes me feel a little bit controlled. I really don’t want Stephen 2.0.
But the sex is frigging incredible. Like. OMG. Amazing. Him and his big penis. Yum.
Right well now I have to go because I am all turned on again. Even when he isn’t around he has this effect on me. Mad about the man I am.
I think that there is a time in everybody’s life that they become the parent to their parent. It happens at different times, usually the older they get and the more they need lucking after, that is where the roles reverse.
In my situation it is not that clean cut. I have always been the more organised and the more sensible of the two of us. And it being just the two of us means that it is more visable.
Take tonight for example. I stayed in to nurse my tonsil’s, mother went out with her friend. She comes storming in four hours later giving out drunkenly that her phone has been robbed. That she is sure of the evil couple that did it and the world is going to end.
Now I do get it. Getting a phone stolen is an awful feeling. But when you have had a chilled evening alone and suddenly you are thrown into a chaos of trying to find out her itunes password (she doesn’t know it, I ended up changing it AGAIN because surprise surprise her password is not 1234), trying to find the damned thing, calling the guards and trying to calm her down. Damn the drink. Doesn’t stress usually sober one up?
I don’t mean this to be a rant about my mother. She is really good and has been looking after me a lot for the last few days. But maybe it is the cabin fever that is getting to me or something.
Anyway a trip to the Guards station tomorrow. Hopefully there will be some hottie there!
We all have those things that you need people for. Me maybe more than others with my health and breakup.
But who do you call when you need someone? This is the problem I have been facing recently. I have a huge schedule of hospital appointments next week and Mam is away and I no longer have himself. So who do single people away from home call?
I have never been in this situation before. I have a brain scan and I am freaking out about it so I have to have someone with me.
I always though shows like Friends had it wrong. How reliant they were on people that are not even related. But suddenly I am feeling it too. I am utterly blessed with the people around me. I have one person coming with me and another 3 on the waitlist of people to come if she cannot make it. And those are only the people I told!
But it is scary. I am 25 and this is not the situation I thought I would be in when I was nearly 26. I curse him for everything that he has taken away from me. I have absolutely no stability. This I can never forgive