Trying to fix it

So the boy is trying to fix my relationship with his friends. 

He is failing miserably.

I gave him a list and he just doesn’t get it.

1. Don’t make me feel like the third wheel. He spends his time making sure that they don’t feel awkward around me. But I never get the same treatment. 

2. Plan something that I will enjoy and then bring them along. Not drag me along to something that I hate so I am feeling uncomfortable. Our interests are just so different. 

3. Make plans when I am able to go. 

So his suggestion has been game nights, at his guy mates new house. Four of them live together. On a night that I have work the next morning. Make the plans after I have been in work for the day. At 9 pm. 

Make it so I would have to get a taxi home. When I am broke and I have been paying for EVERYTHING. So I am broke. He can walk home. I cannot. He is not in work tomorrow. He has been at a late night class so he hasn’t been home. 

He invites other people along at the same time as me. Way to make me feel special.

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What would happen?

I am watching a programme about a girl, her blog goes public. 

I got to thinking, what on earth would I do? Well I am pretty sure that no one would give you a fuck. Unlike the programme I am not in school where people care about these things. Also I never talk about the people in work so I doubt they would give a rats ass. 

I would be embarrassed about my life being made public though. The only reason that I started this blog was because I always have a laptop but when I was travelling etc. it was too tough to be bringing a diary with me. 

I love my blog. It is completely me. I would miss it if it was gone. Only two people that I know actually know the link. 

For some strange reason I gave it to the boy. TBH I have censored my posts ever since. But I love him dearly and I tell him almost everything. I don’t lie, but some things are my past and only my past. That is one thing that my Mam has taught me. 

You have to keep some for yourself. There are some things about me that only I know. There are some things that only S knows. And others that only the boy knows. I plan to keep it that way. 

So here is to hoping that no one cares enough about a stupid tiny blog on the big bad internet. 

Inadequate

I have been with the Boy for a year now. Still I do not feel like enough.

It is partially my fault. My insecurities. But it is partially him too.

It is down to the girls he looks at, the porn he watches, the music he listens to and the comments he has made about me and to me.

This is the type of girl that he should be with.

And this is the type of girl that I am.

Only I am no where near as hot as Anne Hathaway.

I just cannot shake it off. I feel vanilla. I feel like a regular plain Jane.