Health. The gift that keeps on giving

So today I finally got my appointment at the gyno. And yeah. I thought I had endometriosis, and it turns out that it is pretty certain that I do in fact have it.

They think I have a rare kind where the tissue grows on the nerves that lead down to my legs. So yeah. I have two types of shitty things where my body just hates me. I just want my Mamma.

So basically if I changed my mind about wanting kids, it would be really REALLY hard for me to actually get pregnant. My gyno does work a lot with IBD people a lot though so she knows her shit. ARGH FML.

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Doctors

I know my body.  I know when there is something wrong.  I go to doctors as a very last result.  Please listen to me when I tell you that there is something not right and that yes,  my immune system is compromised by meds so please take me seriously. 

But no.  Ignore me.  Decide all I need to do is gargle with salt and water.  Waste my time and put my health at further risk.  Douche.

Mental

I have been so unbelievably mentally busy that I completely forgot to update this.

Life has just been non-stop. So much so that I have only just started to feel homesick.

Firstly. Health. I did have a tough week with my stomach but then I started my period so panic over! I have had three periods in five weeks though but I think it is my coil finally settling in. I now also have a cold but sure that is part and parcel of life and having no immune system isn’t it?

Second. Work. Work has been mental and I have just received a promotion. Within six weeks I have been promoted and given a new store to open as Store Manager. It is basically unheard of and fairly shocking but exciting all the same. I am not happy with the money that they have offered me but I am looking at going to a career adviser anyway to maybe look at getting out of this aspect of retail. I am exhausted with so many long hours and sporadic starting times my body is just tired (which I think has also lead to the cold).

Thirdly. Friends. So I have steadily been making and keeping friends, both here and at home. My Mam and my best friend back home have both booked flights over so one is over at the end of October and the other is coming over at Christmas. This is very exciting. I just got back from a weekend away with a friend over here. We went to Whistler. It was nice but part of me feels that I give more to that friendship then what I get back from her. But sure. Plenty more time and plenty more people to meet in my travels.

And lastly. Boyfriend. Through the previously mentioned friend, I met my boyfriend. Mr B. He is both perfect and flawed. We have both been single for a very long time and have been in long relationships that didn’t last. In his case, he was married. It is actually taking us both a lot of getting used to adjusting to eachother. It probably doesn’t help that he is American so sometimes the communication is a little stilted. But yeah… we will see how it goes. Sometimes he makes me so happy that I picture everything with him. Other times… not so much. I am going to give it a bit of time but sometimes he goes all school teachery on me which makes me feel a little bit controlled. I really don’t want Stephen 2.0.

But the sex is frigging incredible. Like. OMG. Amazing. Him and his big penis. Yum.

Right well now I have to go because I am all turned on again. Even when he isn’t around he has this effect on me. Mad about the man I am.

When the bullets keep coming

Not everything you read online is true.

So when it is said that I have suffered with anal leakage when I have been on medication. That is quite literally bullshit.

When it is said by my ex. It is even more bullshit. He stayed with me a little more than two months of me being on meds. I have now been on them over a year. I have suffered with “leakage” never. Not even with the preparations for my colonoscopys.

He reassured me every time I felt dirty and unsexy in his own controlling way. And now he posts up that his ex had crohns and used to leak while on meds.

Stephen. You didn’t know me on meds. On meds, in remission in less than a year. I have never been healthier. Yes I have bad days. But I am working out 5 days a week. I have not had any sort of accident. And the only shit that you will be smelling is the shit that is coming out of your mouth, coming directly from your brain.

I seriously feel sorry for your new girlfriend. I hope that she realises what a prize tool you are as soon as possible. I want her to break your heart enough for both of us.

That is it. I am done letting you own that your ex had crohns. It isn’t your thing. You are not here, you are not living with it and you ran away rather than dealing with it. I am moving to Canada alone. I am taking my leaking ass and getting out of this country without you. So shove that.

I did it!

When we were in Italy, we walked to the top of Mount Vesuvius. This was a massive feat for me. Huge kn fact.

He actually struggled more then me with the incline and I felt like this annoyed him but I was so proud of myself.

We did a bit of food shopping and then went for McDonalds. We were kind of fed up of pasta and pizza all the time at this point.

While we were there I brought up that he felt distant. That is when he told me he wasn’t sure if he was in love with me anymore. Or if he ever loved me as much as his ex.

My point in this post is to highlight that I did something massive for me. So huge. It has been overshadowed. As usual I was overshadowed. So here is my well done to myself.

Also, people should watch the First Wives Club. Diane Keaton’s characters husband is basically my ex in the way he controls things.

Who?

We all have those things that you need people for. Me maybe more than others with my health and breakup.

But who do you call when you need someone? This is the problem I have been facing recently. I have a huge schedule of hospital appointments next week and Mam is away and I no longer have himself. So who do single people away from home call?

I have never been in this situation before. I have a brain scan and I am freaking out about it so I have to have someone with me.

I always though shows like Friends had it wrong. How reliant they were on people that are not even related. But suddenly I am feeling it too. I am utterly blessed with the people around me. I have one person coming with me and another 3 on the waitlist of people to come if she cannot make it. And those are only the people I told!

But it is scary. I am 25 and this is not the situation I thought I would be in when I was nearly 26. I curse him for everything that he has taken away from me. I have absolutely no stability. This I can never forgive