I have realised something. In thinking about the sex that I have had, the sex that I have enjoyed, the sex I have not, and the sex that has gotten downright weird.
Do you know what the weird ones have in common? Yep, you have it! They have all been Irish. They just don’t look at you right. They jackhammer you while looking at you but not really looking at you. They have this way of looking at a body part and concentrating on that one place. They don’t seem to see the whole you, they see you in these snapshots like the camera would focus in on a POV porn.
The non-Irish guys look at you. Like proper look at you, even if it is just a casual thing, they actually know that they are having sex with you and not just some tits and ass. Then if you say, slower, or harder, or up or down they actually listen to you. They know what you want because they listen to you, they watch you and they actually feel you.
I found out that my ex colleague has some sort of image blog. He reposts videos, pictures and Gifs, and also takes pictures of his dairylea shaped penis doing stuff. He was asking me if I wanted to be his next model or some shit. He actually makes me gag. He thought I would actually go for being jackhammered again AFTER he tore my personality apart. What a fucking tool.
Bye bye Stephen pt. 2. Go be a tool somewhere else. Oh and while you are at it? Lay of the porn because it really is not helping your performance. You were quite literally, the worst sex of my life. And that includes 2 second dude and babies penis.