So I had a conversation over text with one of my best friends about the ex.
So this is basically the complete messages:
Me: Nah. Just not dating. No interest. It was our three year yday. No text or nothing. Went drinking with 3 girls at Oktoberfest, what we used to do for my birthday. If someone I was with for that long can do that and not think of me then I want to be single
Her: I wouldn’t call you either !! You’re the ex !!
Me: He had said he would text the last time I spoke to him.
Her: You know by now that he doesn’t have your best interests at heart and everytime you speak to him you show him how little dignity and self respect you have for yourself. I guess he’s gotta hurt you worse for you to see that for yourself.
Me: Ouch. It is not that he hurt me. It is more that I expect to be treated the way I treat others. I expect him to respect me the way that I finally do for myself.
Her: When people show you who they are ..believe them the first time.
You seem intent on remaining emotionally connected to someone who has told you outright that he loves you but is happier without you… And that’s something i’ve yet to understand.
He doesn’t want to be an consistent part of your life…and he shows you that time and time again 😦
Me: I get what you are saying. I am dealing with it the only way I know how. He has told me he loves me yes, and that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore yes. But it is more the hoping that our whole relationship wasn’t a lie. Also. My self esteem. You have to understand that people react to that differently
Her: He doesn’t determine the worth or value or truth in your relationship.. He wasn’t in it by himself. You know your intentions and level of honesty in that relationship, if he wasn’t honorable or acted with integrity that has no bearing whatsoever on who you are or what the relationship meant to you. You give him far too much power, and i’m afraid you will keep giving and giving and giving little bits of yourself til one day you won’t know WHO YOU ARE! If he said “yep everything i told you was a lie?” Would that make you feel any better ? I doubt it. It seems like holding on to him keeps the ground underneath your feet… That’s a dangerous amount of emotional power to give to anyone. I speak from experience !! If you keep this up, you will eventually draw a man who sees this in you and will manipulate you.. Men like that are drawn to hurting women like sharks are drawn to blood in the water. You are more valuable than that, and nothing will change until you fully embrace that.
Shinners, i say this with love not judgement. I see what a funny, sassy, articulate young woman who has alot to offer, it’s frustrating to see someone I love dearly continue to “cast your pearls before swine”. You give and give and you are let down, He has emotionally divorced himself from a romantic relationship (it’s easier for men anyway) so he doesn’t feel a duty of care to return a text or honor you. He would do it to anyone, not just you. I know its early days in your breakup and it was a serious relationship but I’m BEGGING, BEGGING you to find a different way of handling your feelings without involving him.
Me: It wouldn’t be that way for everyone, just me he treats like that. There is a reason he was exes with all his friends, he had been dumped and he behaved well. He treated me like shit. I know what you are saying and I appreciate it. I have just decided that I cannot date for a while. The though of trusting someone makes me want to vomit. I am just not ready and him not texting me hit it home that I am just not ready. I need to be alone for a while. And that is okay I think.
Her: That’s perfectly reasonable for you to be single now… It would unrealistic for anyone to expect you to “get over him” and jump headfirst in being with another guy… Be gentle with yourself, you deserve it and I want only the very best for you. ((Hugs))
So yeah, I have a pretty amazing friend right there. I was discussing things with my neighbour and I kinda realised that I went from one abusive relationship to another. The one with Mams ex and now with my ex. I need to break this pattern and I need to realise that I am worth more then this.
I need to let go of him and not care about his actions. I am not saying that I am there yet. I am realising that this is what I need to do though.