Things have swapped

So things have changed again.

We are speaking still, he is going to try to visit me. However, we are not boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t think he can cope with that title and making himself be in a long distance relationship.

So we say we love each other. Talk all the time. He is trying to come over and visit. BUT even though neither of us are looking for anyone, we can date (as long as we tell the other person and the same with sex). I do get it. If neither of us are looking for a date then I doubt it will happen as long as we stay offline. In fact, it is probably more likely that a man will ask me out randomly then him asking another girl out.

So that is it. I guess I am okay with it. I am okay with it as long as he does visit.

I do have one reservation. He is 29, never been in a relationship longer than eight months and has never been on holiday with someone. Probably why I am so keen for him to come over. We can call it quits if we drive each other mad.

ALSO. He fell in love with me just after the second date. Eeeeeek. When I speak to him and am around him, I feel like a Princess. I loves him.

Awful Date

This is the email I wrote to a friend about the date I went on Sunday.

First I turned up and couldn’t find him. He was at one of the three bars in the place. He didn’t offer to meet me at the door. Found him, didn’t find him attractive. He stayed at the bar and it became obvious that it wasn’t his first drink of the night.
I thought he might be just bad at texting but it turns out he was fairly thick, it was seriously loud and whenever he spoke to me he put his beer infront of his mouth so I hadn’t a clue what he said.

He started flirting with a woman waiting at the bar. Going on to me about how much he loved the South African accent (which she had). He was meant to be getting me food but it turns out he meant bar food, at the bar, in the temple bar. I declined because I wanted to get out of there.

He kept on making “Jokes” about me not drinking even though I told him before that I don’t drink anymore.

Anyway. I went to the loo, planning to come back feeling unwell and leave. But on the way down the stairs, someone puked behind me. I got caught in the cross fire.

So I went up and told him I wanted to go home because someone puked on me. He said “Ok”. That was it. No how are you no nothing.

So I got home and I got a text “Did you get the puke out of your top lol :)” I blocked him.

So that was my date. I should be single for ever.

Missing Him

So the weekends are the hardest.

Last night I went speed dating, I just felt like there is no one out there! There was one hot man there but somehow I managed to tick “yes” to four guys?! I worry about myself.

Today I went to work and I was exhausted (damn Crohns) so I just wanted to come home and chill out on the sofa but I just don’t want to be on my own. It is a Saturday night, no work the next day and all that I want to do is curl up on the sofa with him and watch TV shows and gossip, kiss, eat food and fuck.

But this is not going to happen. This will never happen again. Even if he is going to come back when the winter comes, this will never happen again. I couldn’t let him in again.

I actually cannot remember the last time he had sex with me looking at my face. It was all my ass, he never came looking at me. This realisation kicks in when I am at my lowest. 

Anyway. Online dating is finished. I am fed up of being asked if I want to fuck. Fuck off is all that I have to say. 

There is something in the water. There is something wrong with the men here. ROLL ON CANADA!

Oh ye… I didn’t tell yas did I? I got accepted in to a working visa in Canada. My life might MIGHT finally be looking up 🙂

The Worst

I think the worst time for me isn’t going to bed at night, for that I wait until I am really exhausted and get a hot water bottle. Quick cry maybe but I fall asleep quickly enough.

No. The hardest time for me is the early morning. You know when you wakeup and you see that it is too early? I used to curl around him and wrap myself in and fall back asleep or I used to tell him what was on my mind and then drift off.

Most of my posts recently have been in this time. A time for me to reflect. Too much.

I haven’t spoken to him since Friday. I keep waiting for the ache to go away but it hasn’t. I don’t want to be the weak one and message him. He said he would contact me and ask me how my weekend was. My friend is over from England. But I have heard nothing.

He said that he was going to delete his online dating profile. Wanted to take a break from women and meet someone in the real world anyway. But instead he has changed it. Updated it. Looks like it has been written by someone else too. I really want to message him and tell him he should really change back to average body type as he has it down as athletic arm and it is seriously misleading.

Online Dating

He is back online. He told me that he only wanted to see what was out there but he has pictures and all. Two of them were taken by me. One of them I took on the greatest holiday we ever had and the other was taken on the holiday that he told me he wasn’t in love with me on. 

It is hard to grasp that he has changed from not wanting a relationship with anyone and that he needs to fix himself to wanting to date people, but just not me. 

WTF. Three years for fuck all. I thought this was it. He is looking for someone new. Fuck him.