This is the letter I wrote to him (x), his ex (b) and her new boyfriend (a).
“I am writing an email to all three of you. B, A and X. I have been excluded in conversations and decisions that have effected me and I have decided that this is not going to happen any more.
I need to tell my story. When I first met you. I was tired and anxious. I was worried that this girl that broke my boyfriends heart would be playing games with him. I was worried that X only wanted me to come along to meet you because he wanted to make you jealous. This was what was going through my head when I met you.
It turns out I was right about one thing. The way that you both behaved was despicable that night. For this I blame you and X. After this. I don’t blame you.
Not to re-hash the night, but X should have told you that you were out of order. He should have judged the situation better, he should have left with me. Maybe if he had done these things then the way that things played out would have been different.
I would not have been as suspicious of your relationship. You would have known where the line is and you wouldn’t have crossed it. But you did. And so did he. Constantly. I don’t know if you know, but I asked him not to discuss our relationship with you. He has plenty of friends that he could talk to for advice. But he kept on involving you. You became the third person in my relationship.
He talked to you about sex. And you to him. You said things that I can only read as you keeping him wrapped around your little finger. He didn’t see the problem. I don’t know if you know that X did this. But when you had asked him not to hang around with Ais when you were together, he did. And when you used to ask him if she was around and he said “no”. She was. This was years ago. But I ask you. Did this break your heart a little bit when you knew he was lying? Did you feel betrayed when he saw his ex more then he saw you? If the answer is “yes” then why did you involve yourself in something that did the same to me?
A mentioned cheating in his emails. X tried to explain. But I can explain me better then anyone else.
You two had a long distance relationship. You saw each other. What? Once a month? Most of your relationship was through text, facebook, boards, webcam and email. Because of this, every time he spoke to you I felt like he was cheating on me emotionally. This is a far bigger deal to me then physical cheating.
I don’t know if you understand that. You would come to him for advice when I thought you should go to your friends, not your ex. Like I would be friendly with my ex, but he is my ex, not my friend. I have friends to go to advice. Friends that don’t know me as well as he knows me but I would not want to play with his and my emotions by telling him about my sex life. It is just inappropriate. Some things should be sacred in a relationship.
I didn’t want him to choose between us. It isn’t healthy to have a relationship like that. But he kept on putting your feelings before mine. He kept on lying to me (not even about you) and everything just built on top of each other and I exploded. I packed my bags and I moved out. I had opinions about my relationship from you, (the other girl he is back in contact with) and other people in his life. It was turning me into someone I didn’t like and I couldn’t take any more.
Your texts were perfectly timed. “Five years ago today we met for the first time” closely followed by “I will always be here”. You knew we were arguing. You knew this. You knew you were an issue between us (I found out from A’s email that X had broken my trust yet again and told you) and yet you sent them.
He chose me. I made him email you in my company. All my trust in him had gone. And it turns out I was right not to trust him because he was planning on keeping contact with you on the side.
I have known something hasn’t been right between me and X. He wanted to contact you two weeks ago wanting to know how you feel about the situation. I didn’t know about A‘s emails at the time and I was terribly upset. I thought we were past everything.
I cannot actually believe that you would involve yourself in this situation. Fair enough. Email X about how upset B is. But to judge my relationship is just out of line. You know B. You have never met X. And you have only ever heard about me from someone that met me once. Once.
I am pleased for both of you. Finding each other in this world is really hard. And being happy is even harder.
I admire you A for standing up for B. But like I am not blameless. Nor is she. And now, nor are you. All four of us have had their say and made their mistakes. Unfortunately, we have all had our say and made our mistakes in my relationship. I have not involved myself in yours. And nor would I dream of doing it even though I dislike you all right now. But I dislike myself too.
X is currently wrestling with his feelings. I have taken a step back. I am not going to ask him to choose between me and you again. I cannot be with him if you are around but I cannot trust him any more anyway. I have told him I cannot be with him if life continues the way it is. So currently I am single. I am heartbroken and angry.
He may be back in contact with you B, he may not. I don’t care as long as what little bit of what was left for just us in our relationship is kept that way. We may decide to try to work on us down the line. But that will be our choice. No one elses. And you both had better stay away from it.
I am sorry you have lost your friend. I truly am. I am sorry things worked out the way that they did. X made decisions that hurt us all.
I am sorry if this email bothered you. Or if you just don’t care. Or even if it doesn’t make much sense. But I am trying to hold myself together. “