Type

Growing up, guys used to make that special effort, they used to say I was the marrying kind not the fucking kind behind my back.

So what on earth happened between 20 and 27?!

 

Playboys and the Western world

I am about as single as one could be right now.  I made out with someone in the stock room in work.  This guy just looks at me and I want to undress.  The sex incredible etc.  But we hadn’t done anything for a month,  then I find myself making out with him in work. 

This is the day after the guy that should be made for me asked me to be his girlfriend. And I told him that I had to think about it.  He was perfect,  patient,  funny and kind.  But I didn’t want to have sex with him. Thats an issue isn’t it?

Then I went on a date,  and made out with him,  and made out with a random guy in a club.  I am a playboy peeps. 

Added to that. The stock room guy,  looks like he was sleeping with two girls at the same time.  He is the ultimate asshole,  especially considering I had asked about his relationship with the next door neighbour,  turns out that was a blatant lie. 

I am tired.  I have an ear infection and I am not making a whole lot of sense. Yay autoimmune diseases.

Feminism and me

I am a feminist. I love being a feminist. I love standing up for what is right and supporting people.

I have started volunteering with the rape crisis centre and I love it. It is so interesting to share experiences with each other in a safe environment that show us that we are assaulted in one way or another and it has become normalised to a point that we don’t even discuss it anymore.

Wolf whistle here, stalking there, dates that get too gropey, men that don’t hear “no” and we have a narrow (if we are lucky) escape. It really worries me, it hurts my soul.

All men can be rapists. That’s a fact. They have the anatomy and the strength to overpower us and take advantage. If they have that in them they probably don’t even know. They see other men that attack as “them”; the bad guys. Then they go and lie to a girl to get her to sleep with them and don’t see how they are bad guys too.

I am fed up of the double standards, the victim blaming and the way that when each and every woman told her story she felt like she had to explain her clothing choice and all the precautions she had taken before her attack to PROVE that it wasn’t her fault.

I have been told it is normal to go through an “I hate all men” phase. I am fighting it with all my might and I know that a lot of women attack and undermine eachother and there is a lack of education and yadda yadda yadda. But seriously. I am in pain with all the stories, feelings and emotions.

There is a positive. I have met some of the most wonderful women in the training group and I am excited to get cloer to each and every single one of them. We are all so kind, thoughtful and supportive. At this point they are my Vancouver family and I don’t know what I would do without them.

It is sad that it takes a common enemy to bring people together.

Health. The gift that keeps on giving

So today I finally got my appointment at the gyno. And yeah. I thought I had endometriosis, and it turns out that it is pretty certain that I do in fact have it.

They think I have a rare kind where the tissue grows on the nerves that lead down to my legs. So yeah. I have two types of shitty things where my body just hates me. I just want my Mamma.

So basically if I changed my mind about wanting kids, it would be really REALLY hard for me to actually get pregnant. My gyno does work a lot with IBD people a lot though so she knows her shit. ARGH FML.

Irish men and porn

I have realised something. In thinking about the sex that I have had, the sex that I have enjoyed, the sex I have not, and the sex that has gotten downright weird.

Do you know what the weird ones have in common? Yep, you have it! They have all been Irish. They just don’t look at you right. They jackhammer you while looking at you but not really looking at you. They have this way of looking at a body part and concentrating on that one place. They don’t seem to see the whole you, they see you in these snapshots like the camera would focus in on a POV porn.

The non-Irish guys look at you. Like proper look at you, even if it is just a casual thing, they actually know that they are having sex with you and not just some tits and ass. Then if you say, slower, or harder, or up or down they actually listen to you. They know what you want because they listen to you, they watch you and they actually feel you.

I found out that my ex colleague has some sort of image blog. He reposts videos, pictures and Gifs, and also takes pictures of his dairylea shaped penis doing stuff. He was asking me if I wanted to be his next model or some shit. He actually makes me gag. He thought I would actually go for being jackhammered again AFTER he tore my personality apart. What a fucking tool.

Bye bye Stephen pt. 2. Go be a tool somewhere else. Oh and while you are at it? Lay of the porn because it really is not helping your performance. You were quite literally, the worst sex of my life. And that includes 2 second dude and babies penis.

Doctors

I know my body.  I know when there is something wrong.  I go to doctors as a very last result.  Please listen to me when I tell you that there is something not right and that yes,  my immune system is compromised by meds so please take me seriously. 

But no.  Ignore me.  Decide all I need to do is gargle with salt and water.  Waste my time and put my health at further risk.  Douche.

When the sex is that good

And when I say good. I mean bloody amazing.  While I have a throat infection,  we still managed it for around nine hours.  With maybe,  like an hour break. 

The problem (yes,  there is always a problem isn’t there) is that before I met him I decided that I didn’t want a fuck buddy.  I want to date someone,  kinda get to know them.  See where it goes type of thing.  Not let it engulf me like Big,  but have something more then just sex. 

But after wanting  that,  he has now admitted that it  has become more of a sexual thing for him now and he can’t figure out if he wants to date me or not. 
It is seriously frustrating,  we are just very compatible.  The sex is only going to get better and it is already just bordering on the mind blowing.  Thing is I wouldn’t have an issue if the sex was so so.  No way I could fall for a guy like that.  But with him,  I don’t know yet,  but I could get hurt and I guess I just think I am the whole package.  I am funny, kind, independent, amazing in the sack, and damned hot.  I also take no shit. 

Why on earth wouldn’t he want to date me?!