I am about as single as one could be right now. I made out with someone in the stock room in work. This guy just looks at me and I want to undress. The sex incredible etc. But we hadn’t done anything for a month, then I find myself making out with him in work.
This is the day after the guy that should be made for me asked me to be his girlfriend. And I told him that I had to think about it. He was perfect, patient, funny and kind. But I didn’t want to have sex with him. Thats an issue isn’t it?
Then I went on a date, and made out with him, and made out with a random guy in a club. I am a playboy peeps.
Added to that. The stock room guy, looks like he was sleeping with two girls at the same time. He is the ultimate asshole, especially considering I had asked about his relationship with the next door neighbour, turns out that was a blatant lie.
I am tired. I have an ear infection and I am not making a whole lot of sense. Yay autoimmune diseases.
I have realised something. In thinking about the sex that I have had, the sex that I have enjoyed, the sex I have not, and the sex that has gotten downright weird.
Do you know what the weird ones have in common? Yep, you have it! They have all been Irish. They just don’t look at you right. They jackhammer you while looking at you but not really looking at you. They have this way of looking at a body part and concentrating on that one place. They don’t seem to see the whole you, they see you in these snapshots like the camera would focus in on a POV porn.
The non-Irish guys look at you. Like proper look at you, even if it is just a casual thing, they actually know that they are having sex with you and not just some tits and ass. Then if you say, slower, or harder, or up or down they actually listen to you. They know what you want because they listen to you, they watch you and they actually feel you.
I found out that my ex colleague has some sort of image blog. He reposts videos, pictures and Gifs, and also takes pictures of his dairylea shaped penis doing stuff. He was asking me if I wanted to be his next model or some shit. He actually makes me gag. He thought I would actually go for being jackhammered again AFTER he tore my personality apart. What a fucking tool.
Bye bye Stephen pt. 2. Go be a tool somewhere else. Oh and while you are at it? Lay of the porn because it really is not helping your performance. You were quite literally, the worst sex of my life. And that includes 2 second dude and babies penis.
And when I say good. I mean bloody amazing. While I have a throat infection, we still managed it for around nine hours. With maybe, like an hour break.
The problem (yes, there is always a problem isn’t there) is that before I met him I decided that I didn’t want a fuck buddy. I want to date someone, kinda get to know them. See where it goes type of thing. Not let it engulf me like Big, but have something more then just sex.
But after wanting that, he has now admitted that it has become more of a sexual thing for him now and he can’t figure out if he wants to date me or not.
It is seriously frustrating, we are just very compatible. The sex is only going to get better and it is already just bordering on the mind blowing. Thing is I wouldn’t have an issue if the sex was so so. No way I could fall for a guy like that. But with him, I don’t know yet, but I could get hurt and I guess I just think I am the whole package. I am funny, kind, independent, amazing in the sack, and damned hot. I also take no shit.
Why on earth wouldn’t he want to date me?!
There are two main men in my life right now. The guy from work and the guy I was seeing before that started.
I am back seeing him again. We went to the cinema and it was like old times. Just friends that kiss and occasionally spoon. So it was mentioned that we have been seeing each other for four months. We had a laugh. Then carried on like normal. See. Nothing had changed, we still liked each other, we still both knew where is was going (nowhere) and we still enjoyed each others company.
I left and got a text about how easygoing I am. It was nice. We are nice. It is just nice.
Today. The guy I work with basically tore my personality apart. Told me that he felt like he had made a lucky escape. I felt like my heart been completely grabbed. It was awful.
Instead of thinking about comments and things that I said in the short time we were dating, and since, in a way that he would think I would make them. Because. You know. He has known me for quite a while. So you would think that if he thought something dodge about something I had said, that he would have just asked me.
He thinks I play mind games. He thinks that I wanted too much. Accused me of forcing him into a corner. Putting times on things. Being a bitch.
Okay. I will hold my hands up to the bitch. But he really read into things. Saying that I would subtly rub my neck in the shop as a type of dig at him and such. Like seriously? Why would I bother?
I put a time line on things. He asked for time until he wasn’t working with me anymore. I said no. He said that could be a week. I said no. Why? Because he believes my words were meant to force and trap. I told him. Or think I told him. Or rather, I meant. That it wasn’t fair on the first guy? Why? Because I had already cancelled one set of plans with him and it would be mean to mess him around. Guy from work seems to think I said “I won’t wait for a week to decide, otherwise I will go back to my other guys”.
So yeah. Two guys. Two very differing opinions of me. Now. Who is right?
So I ask you… how kinky is too kinky for you?
I love so many sexual acts it isn’t even funny. Some I know about, some I am yet to learn. It is the learning about what I enjoy that really turns me on.
I do worry though. If I was to end up being single again. How will I know that I will find someone else like me? I do draw the line at some point. But what happens if you invest yourself into someone to find out that there is no way that they will do what you want, what you need?
Or what if I ended up finally finding someone I liked in that way to find out that they really wanted, nay, needed something that I just couldn’t give?!
It really is a mine field and it boggles me. If I think about it too much it actually upsets me.
I know that might sound a bit odd to some people, but sex is such an important part of a relationship to me that it is not something that I could just ignore.
I only have sex with people I have feelings for. My number has stayed at the very low two. But I have had an amazing sex life. I have been told that I am a Charlotte in life and then a Samantha in a relationship in the bedroom.
I have yet to find someone like me in enjoyment and attitude to sex. I would love that. And that person would be my soul mate. I know it.
Well this is an archived post from 2012. But I really think that it speaks to my mind right now. But no. My number is no longer two 😛
I have been so unbelievably mentally busy that I completely forgot to update this.
Life has just been non-stop. So much so that I have only just started to feel homesick.
Firstly. Health. I did have a tough week with my stomach but then I started my period so panic over! I have had three periods in five weeks though but I think it is my coil finally settling in. I now also have a cold but sure that is part and parcel of life and having no immune system isn’t it?
Second. Work. Work has been mental and I have just received a promotion. Within six weeks I have been promoted and given a new store to open as Store Manager. It is basically unheard of and fairly shocking but exciting all the same. I am not happy with the money that they have offered me but I am looking at going to a career adviser anyway to maybe look at getting out of this aspect of retail. I am exhausted with so many long hours and sporadic starting times my body is just tired (which I think has also lead to the cold).
Thirdly. Friends. So I have steadily been making and keeping friends, both here and at home. My Mam and my best friend back home have both booked flights over so one is over at the end of October and the other is coming over at Christmas. This is very exciting. I just got back from a weekend away with a friend over here. We went to Whistler. It was nice but part of me feels that I give more to that friendship then what I get back from her. But sure. Plenty more time and plenty more people to meet in my travels.
And lastly. Boyfriend. Through the previously mentioned friend, I met my boyfriend. Mr B. He is both perfect and flawed. We have both been single for a very long time and have been in long relationships that didn’t last. In his case, he was married. It is actually taking us both a lot of getting used to adjusting to eachother. It probably doesn’t help that he is American so sometimes the communication is a little stilted. But yeah… we will see how it goes. Sometimes he makes me so happy that I picture everything with him. Other times… not so much. I am going to give it a bit of time but sometimes he goes all school teachery on me which makes me feel a little bit controlled. I really don’t want Stephen 2.0.
But the sex is frigging incredible. Like. OMG. Amazing. Him and his big penis. Yum.
Right well now I have to go because I am all turned on again. Even when he isn’t around he has this effect on me. Mad about the man I am.
So no more dates with the crohnsie have happened. Much to my dismay. Not going to lie… even thinking about him makes me get a tad excited. Yummmmmmmm.
Saturday the fireworks were on. I ended up going with the Irish fella Tipp. We slept together. The funny thing is, he is so eager. Mad about me in fact and I am really not bothered. I have told him how I feel so don’t worry, I am not leading him on. But yeah. The sex was grand. He came so quickly it was actually hilarious. He did however make it up to me. And he did a fairly good job at it so one cannot stay mad for long.
He had brought one condom only and when he wanted to go again and suggested no condom. I literally kicked him out of the apartment. That will teach him.
Thing is. And yeah. I am sick of it too. I just want to talk to pc. Again. At this point it feels like I miss my best friend. I wish I had an indication on whether or not he felt the same way about me. I messaged him after Tipp left asking why he hadn’t contacted me and telling him it would be the last time I messaged him if I didn’t hear back. Nadda. Absolutely nadda.
I wrote a post about this before I believe. The thought process behind people telling you that in order to get over someone you must be ready to fuck someone else.
I personally think that this is complete and utter bullshit. However. And this is a big however.
This time I think it might just be what I need. I don’t think I need to have sex with someone else but I certainly need to chat to a few guys and maybe go on a date or two.
I don’t know if Tinder is going to be better or worse in Canada, I just know that everyone I have spoken to here said that it is nearly impossible to meet guys out and about here, they tend to be fairly clicky when out and don’t leave their group to have the chats.
Yesterday I had decided to focus on getting a job, but it seems I already have a job lined up, then I wanted to make friends, but it seems that I am already doing that. SO it seems that all that is left is to get out there and date. Eeeekkkkk.
On a completely different note. I have made a friend. She is an Aussie girl, really cool, very different from me but in a complimentary way. She decided to tell me that she is newly single and has decided to try to meet other women, just to see what happens.
Interesting thought. I am in a new country, no baggage, I know no one. What do I want to try? The world is my oyster.
I got asked why I was single today. The guy that asked me is a contractor for work. This amazing, God like Brazilian guy.
When he asked, he looked thoroughly confused by it all. My response was “I am fucked if I know”. But it did get me thinking. I am single because I am waiting for someone really special. I am single because I scare people. I am single because I always expect more. Also. I am fucking cray cray! 😛
Why should I settle for an emotionally stunted twat when I can spend all my time alone? I know which one sounds better to me.
Anyway the PC is at Glastonbury. I have had one message in three days and I kinda miss him. But we have a hotel booked for when he comes back. REALLY LOUD SEX will be had. And lots of it. Then I have to move house.
It is my going away party tomorrow. I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. What if no one turns up? What if people don’t have fun. Then I am just like “well fuck it”. I feel like this might be my new slogan.
Lust is such a strange thing really. Feels a bit like love but mixed with imagination and infatuation.
I am in lust with dickwad. It is a burden that I have to carry as I am in lust with a man that I don’t know. In my head he is the mixture of the perfections and imperfections of the guy that I met that night but with none of the coke and all of the feeling like he is just not ready for me yet. That he is tortured, just out of a relationship and wants to make sure his feelings for me are true because he feels like he could fall for me.
The reality of course is that he was on a date tonight with a girl that he met on tinder. He knows that I was on a date last week so it could be a reaction to that but who am I fooling?! I mean nothing to that man other than an easy lay. Why else would he give his friend his blessing? He really gives zero fucks about me.
I need to get over this before the holiday. I don’t think his sister gets the whole lust thing and I really don’t want that conversation about him.
To sum up my last few days…
Everything that has happened, has been the result of a Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole.