Well not literally, because that would be an incredibly long song, but you know what I mean.
I think you can tell a lot about a persons general mental state by the music that they are listening to and identifying themselves with at a certain period of time in their life.
The reason this occurred to me was because this song:
kept on coming on my workout playlist. I remembered how I used to listen to it and feel every single word. Scream it, feel it and just wanna crumble because it sums everything up for you.
The time in my life that is summed up by this song is pretty shocking. I remember it striking for me when I had just moved in with Stephen. Why did I put myself through that? Why didn’t I wake up and see that this is just not the right song to be listening to at that stage in my life?
Anyway. Enough of that prick. I have to update you all on Dickwad. He has been screwing around. He has been screwing around in his house, the one he shares with my friend, his sister. He has had a revolving door of girls that have come back to the house and had sex with him. I don’t know if he needed cocaine to get it up for them but fuck it!
Really drunk in Spain it occurred to us to send a picture of me giving a thumbs up from my friends account through FB messenger. I actually give up on myself! Haha, part of me feels sorry for him. I am sure he probably thought he could fuck me and just leave it go, but nope. I am there around every corner. And I am not going anywhere, just because he cannot behave like an adult.
Oh and for anyone that is wondering… this is the song that sums up now for me.
This is the email I wrote to a friend about the date I went on Sunday.
First I turned up and couldn’t find him. He was at one of the three bars in the place. He didn’t offer to meet me at the door. Found him, didn’t find him attractive. He stayed at the bar and it became obvious that it wasn’t his first drink of the night.
I thought he might be just bad at texting but it turns out he was fairly thick, it was seriously loud and whenever he spoke to me he put his beer infront of his mouth so I hadn’t a clue what he said.
He started flirting with a woman waiting at the bar. Going on to me about how much he loved the South African accent (which she had). He was meant to be getting me food but it turns out he meant bar food, at the bar, in the temple bar. I declined because I wanted to get out of there.
He kept on making “Jokes” about me not drinking even though I told him before that I don’t drink anymore.
Anyway. I went to the loo, planning to come back feeling unwell and leave. But on the way down the stairs, someone puked behind me. I got caught in the cross fire.
So I went up and told him I wanted to go home because someone puked on me. He said “Ok”. That was it. No how are you no nothing.
So I got home and I got a text “Did you get the puke out of your top lol :)” I blocked him.
So that was my date. I should be single for ever.
I find myself hoping and praying that when he moves on he will not go for someone younger. Not because I will get jealous, I probably will anyway. But I pray that he will get someone that knows themself well enough to know that he is just chipping away at who they are.
I hope he dates someone that is completely confident in their body so he cannot push his insecurities onto her.
I hope that he finds someone that he really likes that has the strength to tell him to fuck off.
I am calm, relaxed and happy. I hope that isn’t because of him but more because of me moving on.
I am happy that I am attractive. I didn’t scare him off and he seems nice. I just don’t know if he will fuck me and run. So I am going to wait. I have to wait. The feelings that I think must still be there cannot transfer over to the new guy otherwise it will be doomed.
Jesus. What a kisser. I think he likes it rough too so eeeekkkkkk. Yay
I went on the date. It was very good. He was an amazing kisser. Not something I do on every first date but yummy.
I am done with the ex. Done. That easy. I deserve that passion and that want and it just clicked with me that I was tired of trying with him. I was tired of being the one that felt that was passionate. That wanted him.
I didn’t sleep with him. I was tempted. I see what people see in get over a man by getting under another. But this. MIGHT be special.
Jesus this is scary.