Leaving things behind

It isn’t long until I leave. And I have met someone.

Okay, only had one date so far but we seem to have a very similar outlook on life, personality and sense of humor. I really like him. We will call him PC.

We went on a date, met at 7.30 pm and I got home at 3 am. He was a gentleman, he was lovely. He knows Stephen. I know his ex. That is probably why I want to leave Dublin so much, because everyone knows everyone, it is so annoying.

But anyway. I am now faced with leaving everyone I love and possibly leaving someone else that COULD be someone special.

I do have a couple of reservations. My friend has mentioned him before. He was her version Stephen, he didn’t treat her very well. But I am hoping that he has grown up a whole lot since then. I will have to judge it before anything else.

He is also pretty good friends with some of the bitchy friends that made my life with Stephen difficult. I guess that if anything is to happen it would be the WAY he deals with it rather than anything else.

I have got to figure out how much of this is me wanting to have that romance story before I leave and how much of it is me actually liking HIM. Oh fuck. I think I might actually like him.



Lust is such a strange thing really. Feels a bit like love but mixed with imagination and infatuation.

I am in lust with dickwad. It is a burden that I have to carry as I am in lust with a man that I don’t know. In my head he is the mixture of the perfections and imperfections of the guy that I met that night but with none of the coke and all of the feeling like he is just not ready for me yet. That he is tortured, just out of a relationship and wants to make sure his feelings for me are true because he feels like he could fall for me.

The reality of course is that he was on a date tonight with a girl that he met on tinder. He knows that I was on a date last week so it could be a reaction to that but who am I fooling?! I mean nothing to that man other than an easy lay. Why else would he give his friend his blessing? He really gives zero fucks about me.

I need to get over this before the holiday. I don’t think his sister gets the whole lust thing and I really don’t want that conversation about him.

To sum up my last few days…

Everything that has happened, has been the result of a Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole.


One Night Stands

So I went out this weekend with a friend and her brother. My friend wasn’t feeling it so she left us to it.

It was my first time drinking in seven months because I AM IN REMISSION WHOOP WHOOP

Anyways… We were drinking and taking about EVERYTHING and anything. We have a lot of things in common and we had so many laughs.

But then we kissed. And then we discussed me¬†going to Canada he told me how he hasn’t been out of his relationship long. We talked about having five dates. Said we would get a hotel one day when we were passing it. We spent a lot of the night discussing how annoying it was that we had met. We liked each other. He kept telling me how comfortable he was with me.

So yeah. We ended up sleeping together. It did get a bit strange at some point. But anyway, he stayed the night, was not in a rush to leave. Kissed me goodbye the lot.

Anyways, his messages have been shit since. I AM FRIENDS WITH HIS SISTER FFS.

I just want to ask him what the story is. I have never had a one night stand. He knows it has been ages since I got physical with anyone.

This happened on Sunday night. Do I just ask what the story was?