Catching up and settling in

So. Yeah. I have moved. I have my own place now and I am completely in love with it. Slightly bored the odd time but generally I am incredibly happy here. It is a little attic apartment/studio that is ALL MINE. It is quiet and cheap and warm. What more could I ask for really?

One thing I guess. For it not to be three blocks from where Big lives, and three blocks from where Big works. Awkward.

So my Aussie friend has been getting into my head. I don’t think she means to but being the mutual friend of myself and Bigs puts her in this situation that she just doesn’t seem to know what to do with it. Myself and my Indian friend came to the conclusion that maybe Aussie unintentionally lead to our relationship breaking down. Because lets face it, the amount of information, both verbal and non-verbal that I have gotten from her about Big since the breakup has driven me mad. Maybe we were both getting this when we were together too.

She told him I had been to the hospital! She told me he was upset about me deleting him from Facebook. All this information. So much he said, she said. It is too much.

Anyways. I ran into Big. I saw him today and I just knew that we HAD to talk.

So we did. I still feel quite deeply for him I think. I believe that I am still in shock about it all. Shock isn’t fun. I don’t think I have ever been so blindsided by anyone in my life and I never want to be again. But whatever. I saw him and survived it. I am alive and we both want to tell Aussie to stay out of things. So that is good. Now I don’t have to be the bad guy.

When sparks just fly

So you might be able to tell, but I am going through my archived drafts and seeing if there is anything that I am enjoying reading enough to publish. This is basically how I met Big. This was written back in August and I was loving having him in my life. Obviously, that has changed. It is still taking some getting used to if I am really honest. Our mutual friend isn’t really making it easy for me either. She keeps on feeding me information and feeding him information on me. I deleted him from Facebook for my mental well being. Seemingly this upset him greatly. He thought we were friends, she set him straight and said that he hasn’t actually made an effort to be friends at all and that I probably needed to do it so it didn’t hurt ME to see his life still. A life that he chose that I was no longer going to be a part of. She also told him that I had been in hospital. This upset him greatly. But even after these conversations happened on Friday night. Guess what? He hasn’t contacted me. I guess it was drunken 2am chatting but in the cold harsh light of day the next day, he didn’t want to think about me and deal with whatever he is dealing with. I won’t (and cannot) message him anyway. I haven’t his number and it would be putting my friend in an awkward situation anyway.

I am also kinda seeing someone at the moment. We have decided to keep it chilled. I believe we can both see other people (but aren’t). We are just going on dates and hanging out really. It is nice. However, I have gone from the world’s largest, to the worlds pokiest (I may have slept with Tipp again) and now possibly the world’s smallest penis. Okay, well not ever, but you know. I got that sinking feeling. But he is a lovely guy and we have great craic so if it isn’t serious there is no harm keeping on keeping on. So without further ado; his is the original post.

I told Tipp that it was done today. I am ready to either not date and put time into only myself and friends or only date guys that I deem special enough to spend my time on.

So Tinder is gone and I am done with dating. Or so I thought.

Disney party. Sparks flew. A friend of a friend and I kissed and hugged all night long. He was mad about me from the get go and I am certainly getting there.

He has this brutal honesty, no bullshit, kind and caring personality, mixed in with geek. And a HUGE PENIS.

I stayed over in his house last week (so that makes twice sleeping – and I mean sleeping – with him in one week) and his sister is now here. But I met her and am staying at his again on Wednesday. I have all the butterflies.

Ohhh Kinky

So I ask you… how kinky is too kinky for you?

I love so many sexual acts it isn’t even funny. Some I know about, some I am yet to learn. It is the learning about what I enjoy that really turns me on. 

I do worry though. If I was to end up being single again. How will I know that I will find someone else like me? I do draw the line at some point. But what happens if you invest yourself into someone to find out that there is no way that they will do what you want, what you need?

Or what if I ended up finally finding someone I liked in that way to find out that they really wanted, nay, needed something that I just couldn’t give?! 

It really is a mine field and it boggles me. If I think about it too much it actually upsets me. 

I know that might sound a bit odd to some people, but sex is such an important part of a relationship to me that it is not something that I could just ignore. 

I only have sex with people I have feelings for. My number has stayed at the very low two. But I have had an amazing sex life. I have been told that I am a Charlotte in life and then a Samantha in a relationship in the bedroom. 

I have yet to find someone like me in enjoyment and attitude to sex. I would love that. And that person would be my soul mate. I know it. 

Well this is an archived post from 2012. But I really think that it speaks to my mind right now. But no. My number is no longer two 😛