That Song

I have gone from feeling amazing to feeling back at square one.

I had an amazing day on Tuesday, lovely customer after lovely customer, compliments all round for me.

One of the customers was a psychic. She was lovely. Told me that I am going to write a book, that I am a writer. Obviously she knows nothing about this blog and nothing about my degree. So this was a real shock. She said I will write exactly how I speak.

Now I know you don’t all know this, but I am actually pretty funny. I just sometimes find it hard to put it into writing. So maybe this is something that I need to work on. Anyway. She also said that there was someone in my past that used to put my sense of humor down all the time. She said that they did this because they were jealous of me and my education because they were uneducated.

Now my ex was a clever guy. But he never even passed the leaving. I encouraged him to go back and study to do it again, but he bailed. He always said it wasn’t a problem but I never got how it didn’t bother him. I never put him down about it but I did encourage him. Is it possible that he put me down to make himself feel batter about that? Telling me that my degree was worthless.

My boss whom usually hates me actually picked up on the fact that I know my shit and I was asked advice and complimented on my organisational skills. I was actually given extra responsibility. This is great for my CV even for nothing else.

Anyway great day. But then I got tired and things went downhill. I have not slept properly in 4 nights and I am living on borrowed time. I am pretty sure the ex got back in contact with the bitch and this breaks my heart. He is talking like he will never get over her. This is how he should be talking about me. Not her. What was I? A three year rebound after 2 1/2 years of singledom? How my heart breaks.

Anyway. I got herbal sleeping tablets last night and I slept like a log until my sobs woke me up. No one was there to hold me. Sure the one person I wanted there was the reason that the sobs wracked my body so hard that I woke myself up. My face was soaking and I couldn’t breath. Horrible right?

Anyway.Today on the bus I realised there is not a single song that is making me feel better about the whole thing. Music is so important to me. There is a song for most times in my life. Most times in my life I have worked through with the help of a song that just puts into words and movement my feelings in a way that I just cannot.

I have been missing this. And I think that for me it is an important part of moving on. Irreplaceable worked for a little while but I felt a little too Crazy in Love for it (see what I did there?!) Taylor Swift, Damien Rice, Beyonce, Glen Hansard. NADDA.

Then the above song just did it. Everything is so true. Well apart from the river. Everything else is right. Therefore. I am going to do something I never do and post the lyrics.

“I keep going to the river to pray
‘Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I’m sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

My friends had you figured out
Yeah, they saw what’s inside of you
You tried hiding another you
But your evil was coming through

These guys sitting on the wall
They watch every move I make
Bright light living in the shade
Your cold heart makes my spirit shake

I had to go through hell to prove I’m not insane
Had to meet the devil just to know his name

And that’s when my love was burning
Yeah, it’s still burning

I keep going to the river to pray
‘Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I’m sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Each time that I think you go
I turn around and you’re creeping in
And I let you under my skin
‘Cause I love living in the sin

Boy you never told me
True love was going to hurt
True pain I don’t deserve
Truth is that I never learn

I keep going to the river to pray
‘Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I’m sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
No more haunting baby

I keep going to the river

I keep going to the river to pray
‘Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
And at most I’m sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake”

I did feel insane. He made me feel insane. All my friends did see through him. I do still love him. But he is seriously a demon. It is actually crazy, but I have this song on repeat and every time I hear it I feel so much better.