Getting under

Is the only way to get over someone to get under someone else?

The closest I have gotten to getting over him was when I was dating someone else. But then they were assholes. Fact is, do I need to fuck someone else?

He probably has, he has gotten over me grand. Infact, he has kissed two girls and gotten shit faced in two nights. I on the other hand, have spent two nights at home. I have enjoyed it and my body really needed it but it isn’t moving on.

What is moving on anyway? Not caring about him anymore? Not angry or upset when I think about him? Or just fucking someone else?

God only knows! I really want someone to tell me how to move on. Please. Anyone. Just tell me.

Sometimes I wish I was a man, they seem to be able to switch off so much quicker. Well. That is unless you are my mothers ex, they just seem to stay around (apart from the most recent one; the one that she wanted to keep around).

With my first boyfriend, I never lived with him, I had never given everything to him. I never had a joint bank account with him. I hadn’t planned a wedding. With him I did all of this. I just don’t know how I will ever give myself to anyone else. I don’t know how I will trust someone so completely again after I made such a shit judgement?

The thought of going furniture shopping with someone and getting excited about getting keys to a new home with someone, feels so foreign. Actually makes me want to puke.

Thing is, this all kicked off in May. It is now October. How long until I feel normal? Will it be a year? Will a year pass when I am not treading on old memories, I am making new ones?

I am already dreading going away, my first without him. Or Christmas… unpacking the decorations that we bought for our first together. I Cannot even imagine having a Christmas without him. We spent last Christmas with his family after waking up and going to sleep in our apartment with presents under our tree. Who will carry my real tree?

I am just so fed up of this. He is back at home. We had memories there, but he had memories with other people there too, it isn’t just me and him memories. Not like my whole life at the moment. Purely me and him memories.


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