Waking up

So every morning I am happy when I wake up. I am happy because I slept through the night. I also generally just love being in bed.

Then slowly my senses come to. I realise the person in the bathroom isn’t the love of my life (or so I thought) it is my mam. And my whole world comes crashing down yet again.

It is a feeling I dress everyday. A feeling of sickness in my stomach and my heart sinking. I can’t do anything about it. I cannot be with him.

My mam says that even if he came back now it wouldn’t work. I would never forgive him. But I have forgiven a lot more from her and him.

I told him I don’t want him back. And mostly I mean it but when I wake and feel so alone. Some days the thing that I uses to look forward to was a hug and kiss from my hairy bear. The thought of that kept me going for the whole day.

He was my sunshine. My only sunshine. He made me happy. When skies were grey.