It is just me

So I get depressed. I mean really depressed. I don’t take anything for it because I am determined to pull myself out of it but my God I get bad.

And I am bad now. I am just spending so much time alone that I find it hard to be happy and see the good things. I can only see the bad. My cloud is back and it is big and black.

Usually my friends and family are so good in helping me but without my support network I struggle.

So today started off OK, it had looked like I had shook it off but then as soon as I was alone again it was back and with vengeance. First I got the bus into Seattle and started the bit of a trek up to Capitol hill. I had been there about 15 mins when I found out that M was planning on going to the cinema with her friend E within 1.5 hours.

So I rushed to get a bus back downtown and then a bus out to Bellevue.  Once I was on the bus I sent M a text telling her what time I would be at the bus stop to find out that I had rushed for no reason. She was already in the cinema; she thought that she was meeting me after the film. So I spent the day wondering around Bellevue on my own.

I tried buying food, I tried buying a dress… this only made me feel fatter and just a lot sadder. I went to an art gallery and started crying. I have not smiled properly in what feels like days.

And to make matters worse there was a weirdo on the bus that chose to single me out. DAMN.

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